Aug. 26, 2024
Transforming Trauma into Triumph with Dr. Schaefer
What if there was a way to blend medical expertise with life coaching to reclaim your personal story? Dr. Schaefer, a neurologist, psychologist, and certified life coach, joins us to share her inspiring journey of healing and transformation. From her own experiences with accessible resources like podcasts and YouTube, she draws powerful insights on how to support others in their quests for better mindsets and lifestyles. Dr. Schaefer's multifaceted roles as a storyteller, community builder, and mother offer a rich tapestry of wisdom and practical advice that listeners won't want to miss.
Have you ever considered the physical barriers in clinical settings that hinder genuine patient-provider connections? Dr. Schaefer discusses this and more, emphasizing the importance of compassionate, attentive healthcare when discussing sensitive issues like domestic abuse. She shares personal anecdotes that illustrate how breaking down these barriers can make a profound difference in patient care. We also delve into overcoming past trauma, staying present, and the critical role of active listening and breaking down preconceived notions to improve interactions in both medical settings and personal life.
Living in a controlling and abusive relationship can be a harrowing experience, but having a plan to escape is crucial. Dr. Schaefer highlights the emotional toll of such abuse and introduces resources, including an anonymous online community, to support those suffering. We also discuss the power of storytelling, community, and self-care in the healing process. Dr. Schaefer shares insights from her own podcast, "Talks with Dr. Schaefer," and her daughter Amelie Anastasia's work in encouraging young authors. From actionable self-care plans to the impact of creativity, this episode offers a comprehensive guide to rebuilding and reclaiming one's life.
Brice Harney
Life On Record
Miles of Smiles Entertainment
Richmond Punch
TK Hair Salon
Ogden Ventures LLC
CEO of Ogden Ventures LLC
SnappBandZ
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Love & Light - Keep Hope Alive
Chapters
00:02 - Exploring Mindset and Multitasking Roles
14:38 - Building Relationships With Care Providers
29:16 - Empowering Survivors
35:46 - Cultivating Self-Care and Creativity
46:08 - Creative Writing and Inspiring Children
56:59 - Podcasting, Books, and Community Connections
Transcript
WEBVTT
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Hello and welcome to Keep Help Alive podcast.
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Today we have a great show for you.
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I got Dr Schaefer here with us.
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Welcome, welcome.
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And she is a mindset.
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Well, coach, I'm going to call you lifestyle guru.
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She does so many things Some people would say the jack of all trades.
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So many things.
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Some people would say the jack of all trades.
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She's definitely a multitasker, as I'm getting to know her before this show and everything.
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But I'm so honored to have you on to keep Hope alive.
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It's going to be fun.
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We're going to dive into everything that she does, but first, before we get started, dr Schaefer, I have a fun question for you.
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How many weddings have you been to in the last 15 years?
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I have to say it's between 10 and 20.
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10 and 20.
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Okay, so usually when you go to a wedding and you're going into the ceremony part, there is something you need to sign to let the bride and groom know you are there.
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What are you signing?
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The guest book.
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Yay, okay.
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So one of our biggest sponsors here is lifeonrecordcom.
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So what they do is, instead of that guest book, they do a vintage rotary phone.
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So your guests are walking in, they get to pick up this cute phone and leave a message hey, congratulations on your wedding.
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Or maybe it's a groom's man going, it's about time you put a ring on her finger.
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So, and right next to that guest book is a QR scan code.
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So if there's a long line and you're just not going to use that phone, you can use your own cell phone and leave the message that way before or after the event.
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Now, this can be used for any kind of event, which is really good, but what this is is the gift of voice.
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So they're collecting all these messages from your friends, your family, and then they will burn it either on a 12-inch vinyl record or they'll put it on a keepsake speaker, which is really cute, so you can go back and listen to it every year when you're celebrating that anniversary, or maybe it's a birthday party that you had like 100 people show up and they just wanted to leave a little message for you as well.
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Now the great thing is, you get the phone number.
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You got to return the phone, but you get the phone number for one year.
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Their plans start at $99 and that's a good price.
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So I mean, even if it's a wedding, just think that's a good price.
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So I mean, even if it's a wedding, just think, call before the one year anniversary and that phone number is up and you get more messages, right.
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So?
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But to find out more information about them, go to wwwlifeonrecordcom.
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All right.
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So here's the biggest question out of the whole interview who is Dr Schaefer?
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Oh, thank you for asking.
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Isn't that interesting that we very rarely ask someone that question?
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I know we're all trying to get to know one another, but we don't actually ask the direct question and we don't have the opportunity to answer it.
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So thank you so much for that question.
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So for me, I consider myself to be a storyteller, a community builder, and the number one title job responsibility I have is to be a mother.
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Yes, that is very important.
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How many kiddos do you have?
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So I have a blended family, so I have two from my first marriage and now we're a family of four and it's a lot of fun.
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Yay, I bet the get togethers are so fun, bringing everybody together.
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So, yeah, that is amazing.
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And people will say you know, nadine, you got kids.
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And I was just at church this morning and they go well, how old are your kids?
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I go, well, my daughter's 22 and I'm a grandma now, just had the first grandbaby and then my son is 12.
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They're like why?
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And I was like well, the doctor said I can never get pregnant and it's not up to doctors, it's up to God I got pregnant and it's not up to doctors, it's up to God I got pregnant.
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Hey, so, but that's, that's the story that I was supposed to live in my journey of this life.
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So I accept it and I move on.
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So, but that is so cool.
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So, being like with clients and you're working in the mindset area, can you give us some examples of like what you do and different things that they're coming to you for?
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Sure, so often when people find me, it's because maybe they've heard me on someone else's podcast.
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I have a podcast myself where I'm really trying to get out these positive messages, because my life was saved by a podcast years ago by someone who took their professional experience and went out and wasn't giving therapeutic advice to individuals one-on-one, like we traditionally would do.
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Right, this was Dr Les Carter.
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So I'm a neurologist with also a degree in psychology, so I'm not a therapist, but I've always really leaned into that.
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And as a neurologist, we're ABPN certified when we're board certified, as I am, so we have to understand a lot about psychiatry and psychology as well as neurology and it's all married together for obvious reasons.
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But on my healing journey I remember really having not a lot of access.
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I couldn't have gone to see a therapist at that point in time.
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I didn't have access to information that could help me get out of the place that I was in.
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But I figured out that I could listen to podcasts, that I could go on YouTube and I could find videos and learn so much from those, and so that really inspired me to do the work that I do to help other people after I went through my journey of essentially reclaiming my story and my life that had gone so far off track and then taking everything I learned on that journey in neurology, as a physician, as a mother, and then I went into life coaching.
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I'm Jay Shetty certified.
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I did his amazing program to learn how to be a coach because people were just reaching out to me.
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A lot of people reach out to me when they're going through big life transitions, something such as divorce, or they're needing to recover or really come to terms with abuse in their life really come to terms with abuse in their life.
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I also help businesses.
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So if a business is having concerns about the environment, about the team building that exists, they will often reach out to me to help with that process.
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And that's really a fun thing to do from a neuroscience perspective, as a physician, as a community builder, as a life coach, to go into this pre-existing community because that's what a workplace is and to help people get that bird's eye view of what's going on and then zoom into how they're a big part of the future, of that kind of that micro area of the world and how they can use their skills.
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Focus on that.
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Focus on how they can become a more cohesive team to create the best future for the company and then for themselves as individuals.
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So I do a lot of things.
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I don't only focus on one area, in part because I am just so happy when I get to do different things, when I have that variety.
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That is really cool.
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I started with a new company and their team and how they train and I had to read books as when I got hired about team and how they coach, everything.
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It made me feel so good.
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I was like I'm entering this company who really cares for their employees and it makes me want to do my work 10 times harder when they show that and that's a great thing.
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So you helping with everybody is just amazing.
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So a lot of people.
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I talk about this on my show quite often, but I never had a neurologist on the show, which I'm just a patient because I grew up with epilepsy.
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So I had partial complex.
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I've only had one grand mal and then lovely.
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I went through a procedure a couple of years ago but it caused a seizure and I fell and hit my head and got a hematoma.
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That was a lot of fun, let me tell you so.
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It's such an interesting topic, but I know we're talking about mindset today and everything.
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I was just like I'm going to have to bring you back on girl it all it informs one another.
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Right, all of those parts facets of us professionally and personally informs one another and I can say that you know if you which you didn't right.
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There's no patient doctor confidentiality being breached here, fortunately.
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But if you had come to see me as a patient, the thing that really I had to sit with when I recognized better what I was experiencing in life and how it was affecting my health, my mental health and my physical health, and the decision I was making Once I became more self-aware.
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It was a bit of a gut punch because it took me back to moments where you're in the room with someone, you're asking all the right questions, you're trying all the right medications and nothing's working for their seizures, for their headaches, and you want more than anything for them to get better, and they want more than anything to get better.
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But something's missing in that process of information, of data gathering, of okay, how do we get the information so that I can show up best for you and help you?
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And I really think a lot of it does have to do with things that are going on outside of that room that we're not aware of as physicians and maybe the patient isn't even fully aware of.
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They haven't accepted it yet.
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Or if they have accepted, for example, that they're a victim of domestic abuse, they're not ready to discuss that.
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They may feel ramifications of that.
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Their partner may never let them go to an appointment alone, right?
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There are all these things that could keep me from treating your seizures Because, like, for example, you know, with seizures it is paramount that you get good sleep.
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Right, it is the most important thing that you get good sleep.
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Don't get me there.
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I was getting no sleep and this is like five or six years ago.
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Well, we're going to put you on Ambien.
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So yeah, I have a lot of stories about Ambien.
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I have a follow-up appointment and I'm going to be like.
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You guys need to take me off of Ambien right now and let's try something else, something that doesn't make me sleepwalk, and try to go to work at one in the morning.
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That's tricky.
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That's tricky.
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So you know how important it is to have sleep and to go back to that example of domestic abuse, if you're afraid to sleep in your home because of things that happen, you know even though I'm in a safe place, you know, and I've gotten away from domestic abuse.
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I hate to even mention it's been three times in my life.
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I think it's just for me, like I will.
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I think it's just for me, like I will, to calm my brain down.
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And I know they say do not do screen time before bed.
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Yeah, I get it.
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But the reels when I can read like positive influence things, it will set me down or I'll listen to an audible book to help me unwind.
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But the biggest thing is with the sleep.
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If I do not get enough sleep, it only means hey, the next day we're going to give you a seizure because, hey, you didn't get a year of sleep.
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And that's what really scares me.
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I don't even tell my kids that, but it's like when I'm out of Ambien the next day I can't sleep, and then I know the next day I'm going to get dizzy.
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So I have to bring an extra Keppra with me just in case that I feel like one is coming.
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So yeah, it's not fun, but sleep is very important.
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And domestic abuse it will definitely keep you up.
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It will and it'll make it.
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And if you don't have the relationship with your physician to even start on that process of unpacking, that of making decisions that get you safe, you can spend years or decades chasing medicines to fix your seizures years or decades chasing medicines to fix your seizures because really you're not telling the doctor.
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Well, I actually never get restorative sleep because I have a partner next to me and I'm terrified of them.
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And every time something makes any noise or movement in the room I wake up.
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So I haven't had deep sleep in 10 years, right, so that happens to people and in the way medicine is practiced now we don't have that many opportunities to really answer those questions and go deep on them, because when you have been in a situation where you're a victim of domestic abuse, that conversation is only going to happen in a place that you feel really safe, right, yeah, and so here you're in this you know, fluorescent lighted room with someone who's now I when with patients I would never wear a white coat Gross, we call it a fomite because it's super dirty and I just found it very disconnecting.
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And my goal was you know, I have all the knowledge.
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I don't need to wear a white coat for you to know that I'm a doctor.
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I'll wear my stethoscope, you know that.
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But let's, let's.
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You're the expert on you, right?
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But you walk into your typical doctor's office the white coat.
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There's literally a computer between you.
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Eye contact often is not happening as much as ideally it would because typing right and it's so disconnecting that, even though most likely every time you go to see a doctor or a nurse or a PA, they are asking you screening questions for domestic violence and domestic abuse.
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How often is that going to be answered Honestly, if it's in a situation where that's not an icebreaker, you don't feel comfortable.
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How can we create spaces where we have different relationships with physicians, with care providers, so we start to feel that they really care?
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And that's a part of my mission with Talks with Dr Schaefer to let people know your doctor does really care about you.
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Yes, there are these barriers and they exist for all of us, but we really, really care about you.
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Yes, there are these barriers and they exist for all of us, but we really really care about you and we want to help you.
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Yeah, my neurologist she you heard that she is amazing.
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I have a gentleman that when I started getting the lady doctor, it feels so much better and I don't want to give up a wave.
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She watches this episode, which I'm going to tell her.
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I just love her, I adore her.
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She just wears whatever.
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I think I don't care, because she cares about me and she wants to know how I'm doing and what I'm going through.
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She does dig through those questions and stuff.
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So there's stuff that I said okay, I had a concussion twice, but there was one day I couldn't stop crying.
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It was like I wouldn't shut off and I was like why?
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She's like I think she called a PBA and I was like what?
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And she had to do a screening and I was like why?
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And she's like I think she called a PBA and I was like what?
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She had to do a screening and I was like this is thing, but the medication is a compound medication that takes care of it and my insurance wouldn't cover it.
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So I've come to terms and I think it's beneficial.
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I don't know why this happens.
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It sounds so bad, but I can be at my job and somebody could have the worst experience or whatever, and just be on the phone and they want to be heard and they can yell, they could do whatever, but I still have a smile on my face and I feel giggly.
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I don't know why, but it's just like you know what.
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I'm going to smile through it and be like I'm so sorry you gone through that, you know, but my energy stays positive still with this and I call it my superpower.
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So you know I'm not going to sit there and just cry with them like the whole day because they're upset or anything.
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But you know, who would have known that in this world of getting concussions that can happen, you know.
00:17:47.835 --> 00:17:55.332
So you learn something all the time and you know being heard with doctors it doesn't matter which doctor.
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I remember that I was like they were going to try a new medicine and I go why don't you tell me the vitamin that equals this medication?
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And I remember he just looked at me.
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He's like magnesium.
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I go you see, that wasn't hard.
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Just tell me the vitamin.
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I don't want to keep taking all these pills.
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That's the biggest thing that people always want to be heard, in the medical industry too.
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So but yeah, and then digging into, we were talking about domestic abuse too, just being able.
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For me it doesn't go away.
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I want it to.
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I work on what I've been through.
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I've journaled what I've been through.
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I don't know where my journal went, though it was a thick book and I was like uh-oh.
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But when I did reread everything after I got away, I cried at everything I went through and I was just like this is so not good, this cannot happen again in my life.
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But then it's what I attract.
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I'm learning.
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So now I get the fear of trying to date again because I don't want to run into the same pattern, same person.
00:19:13.291 --> 00:19:15.682
But I can't think everybody's going to be like that.
00:19:15.682 --> 00:19:18.768
Right, that's a mindset thing.
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It is.
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It is, but, I also think, a big part of mindset and just living in the truth and in the moment, and out of history.
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Right, because, as you said, you've got to know your history but you can't live in it.
00:19:33.044 --> 00:19:51.934
Right, you can't basically project on all these people these characteristics of people that you've met, but the way to work on that is to really lean into this moment, be super present when you meet someone and don't put all of your assumptions on them, because we are so bad about this.
00:19:51.934 --> 00:20:03.525
We're actually so good at this, we're experts because our brains want to say, okay, I know what's happening, right, Kind of robotically, like I'm at this table, I'm with this guy.
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What's the data I have on a guy that wears a red shirt and a baseball cap, and our brain is literally it's trying to find the patterns right, and that can be bad.
00:20:12.925 --> 00:20:20.048
We could maybe write someone off as a guy we knew in eighth grade that dressed like them, so it could be bad for the guy.
00:20:20.048 --> 00:20:31.596
It could be bad for us too, though, because we could make positive assumptions about someone, as often is the case in relationships that end up to be toxic or abusive in the future.
00:20:31.596 --> 00:20:44.626
We make positive assumptions, we project onto them because, again, our nervous system is trying to find the patterns and we also have an idea of what we want and we're trying to basically fit them into the box.
00:20:44.626 --> 00:21:05.452
So a part of mindset work in that sort of situation is to have real clarity, to be an active listener, to ask good questions be a good listener and accept the answer and to accept this concept that everyone is doing their very best every day.
00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:10.971
Yes, I'm great People don't like, because then they're like, no, they're not doing a good job.
00:21:10.971 --> 00:21:15.409
I'm like, I didn't say, they're doing a good job, they're doing their best.
00:21:15.409 --> 00:21:28.288
Now you get to decide, especially early on in getting to know someone do you want to buy into what they're offering you or do you want to say, hey, it's been so nice meeting you.
00:21:28.288 --> 00:21:30.758
I wish you the best, because that's okay.
00:21:30.758 --> 00:21:40.465
You don't have to buy in, because the more we buy in again, when it comes back to our psychology and our neurology, we like to be in groups.
00:21:40.767 --> 00:21:47.525
Once we form connections with people, we seek safety that way and it's really hard to disconnect after we make those connections.
00:21:47.525 --> 00:21:58.823
So, being really, really honest about what your body is truly telling you about this person not the past, not the desired future, but being right there in this moment.
00:21:58.823 --> 00:22:01.849
What signals is my body telling me about this person?
00:22:01.849 --> 00:22:04.412
Right, and what are they saying?
00:22:04.412 --> 00:22:07.886
And does it align with my goals and my beliefs?
00:22:07.886 --> 00:22:10.554
And if it doesn't, that's okay.
00:22:10.554 --> 00:22:20.321
But you need to make choices based on that information, not on what you hope they would be or not on projections of things that have happened to you in the past.
00:22:21.344 --> 00:22:22.926
Exactly, Exactly.
00:22:22.926 --> 00:22:24.911
You said that so well.
00:22:24.911 --> 00:22:28.156
Yeah, so definitely I've gotten.
00:22:28.156 --> 00:22:33.849
I tell people you gotta love yourself before you can go out and meet other people.
00:22:33.849 --> 00:22:54.733
I know I've become a better listener and I've always like, I'm the kind of person, even if it is a first date, if I feel that there's not a real good connect I don't believe in ghosting so I'm like listen, yeah, it was so nice meeting you.
00:22:54.733 --> 00:22:59.445
I think we're going to be the best of friends and just to let them know.
00:22:59.445 --> 00:23:06.736
You know so, but you don't invest time if you don't feel there's nothing.
00:23:06.736 --> 00:23:10.884
I mean, yeah, running a podcast.
00:23:11.365 --> 00:23:12.949
I remember one date.
00:23:12.949 --> 00:23:18.930
Okay, so this one day asked me for a lunch date.
00:23:18.930 --> 00:23:21.247
Okay, so, this is a fun little story.
00:23:21.247 --> 00:23:25.446
But I went on a lunch date.
00:23:25.446 --> 00:23:30.060
So you think, oh, okay, we're going to eat, get to know each other, blah, blah, blah.
00:23:30.060 --> 00:23:37.788
No, I was called in for a date to talk to me about how to get his ex-wife back.
00:23:37.788 --> 00:23:47.711
Okay, so the mindset I don't know if he he did that on purpose or he saw the podcast or just what.
00:23:47.711 --> 00:23:49.678
You know, it was so weird.
00:23:49.678 --> 00:23:50.941
What's your take on that?
00:23:51.990 --> 00:23:54.917
Well, I have to say you know it was very on brand.
00:23:54.917 --> 00:23:57.451
He did want you to help him keep his hope alive.
00:23:57.451 --> 00:24:09.917
So, he's looking for the right person and working in weddings right, I mean, his intentions made sense, but maybe his heart wasn't in the right place with regards to how that would affect you, that's for certain.
00:24:10.589 --> 00:24:11.253
And you know, so it's like.
00:24:11.355 --> 00:24:14.935
Oh well, you know you can contact me through my website for one-on-one coaching.
00:24:14.935 --> 00:24:17.179
I'd love to continue this conversation.
00:24:17.970 --> 00:24:23.690
And if that happens, again I'm going to be like here's my service fee for counseling.
00:24:23.690 --> 00:24:25.852
Again, I'm going to be like here's my service fee for counseling.
00:24:25.852 --> 00:24:27.653
Yeah, this is like I wish I could write.
00:24:27.653 --> 00:24:29.895
This was not a real date.
00:24:29.895 --> 00:24:30.777
Here's your bill.
00:24:31.096 --> 00:24:37.502
Oh my gosh, it's so funny, but you know we learn from these experiences.
00:24:37.502 --> 00:24:41.666
Right, it was awkward, but we learn so much from those experiences.
00:24:41.666 --> 00:24:55.291
And you know, I've been married twice and my first relationship was not really in line with what I, looking back at myself, when I got engaged when I was 19,.
00:24:55.291 --> 00:24:57.638
That's not what I wanted.
00:24:57.638 --> 00:25:06.393
It was presented to me in a certain way and again, projections and assumptions and wishes and hopes and dreams, but very quickly.
00:25:06.692 --> 00:25:14.115
When I look back at the data, I was shown a lot of things quite quickly, but I did not want to see them.
00:25:14.115 --> 00:25:20.692
I wanted it to fit into my dreams and I was so connected that I wanted to make it work.
00:25:20.692 --> 00:25:29.636
But the thing is, if it doesn't fit, it doesn't fit and eventually you have to stop trying right Because you just can't keep doing it.
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